NOT the MotoGP News: The Ducati Empire Strikes Back… A Spielberg Production staring Andrea Iannone

Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy on Twitter – @SirGuyGuisborne

 

Yep, that headline has more corn than a field of wheat…… The RedBull Ring is handily located near Spielberg, so we weren’t going to miss an opportunity for a pun.

But lets get onto another film title – How to Win Friends and then Totally Alienate them.

Romano Fenati; good looks, fame, money, high profile job, travelling all around the world to exotic places. The only thing he didn’t have was a world championship, and so good old Romano decided to try a new career as a boxer. Actually he also doesn’t have height either, and one thing that does help when you take on a bigger opponent is actually being the same height or taller than Uccio. Now, Romano doesn’t have a job riding bikes anymore, so that went all a bit pear-shaped for the mini-Cal Low Crutch look-alike.

To be honest, all of us in the office feel for Fenati and wish he’d given super-smug Uccio a broken nose. Not much annoys us here, but travelling the world for free, getting lots of women for no effort and being on TV a lot just for having been to school with the GOAT is good reason to take a swing at him.

So, yep, that livened things up even before the return to “the hills are alive at the sound of a 4-stroke” clichés fell out of every commentators’ mouths because we were in Austria. And like Le Mans and Sachsenring, its more Disney/Mickey Mouse than it should be, but it did look nice even if Carmelo appeared in matching shorts/jacket/hat combo. Now there’s a man we could go for a drink with, even if only to get free access to the grid!

Lights! Camera! Action…..!

The Moto3 boys and girls are school kids; and finding out that Fenati was on detention, which then became expulsion, must have been the funniest thing ever for them. Wearing a dark visor has it advantages, one of which is not being seen laughing uncontrollably. The race was a cracker as all Moto3 races appear to be by contract.

And yet another super fast Latino school kid popped up to the top. Mir is Russian for peaceful, but young Joan seemed nothing of the sort, and actually gave Brad Binned-her a good run for his money. The four week break doesn’t seem to have calmed the kids but no complaints from this office – we love a bit of madness. Top five were all from five different countries covered by 0.6 of a second. Truly wondrous!

(On a serious side note we think VR46 Sky team may have a problem next year; Rossi wont talk to Honda ever again, so uses KTM. KTM have a big project next year entering MotoGP and no matter how much effort they’ve expended this year in getting ready, the effort will double next year. Will KTM Moto3 benefit from MotoGP, or be stretched too thin?)

Right, sorry a bit serious there, but the thought of writing about Moto2 was enough to distract me.

Moto2 – god it’s boring. In the days of old and of Toni Elias it had many a frame maker and many daft rider. Now we have Kalex and pretty much nothing else. No daft riders like Iannone, no excitement. Every non-Kalex team should be given a 5 second head start at every race to encourage more diversity. Either that or DORMA position snipers around the course. If that’s too extreme give them paint-ball guns. Every hit on bike or rider means a second off their time! As you can tell we’ve lost the plot with Moto2.

So the main race. Lorenzo!

Well almost. Basically a month or so ago Jorge was kidnapped by aliens and replaced by a clone. However the real Lorenzo managed to escape the clutched of the green monsters and return to earth whilst we all had a break. The real Jorge was back and beat Rossi and Marquez. What more could you want? Oh to beat Iannone and Dovi too. Damn.

Yep, as mad as a box of frogs Andrea Iannone pissed-off Eugene on Saturday on his way to pole, and then showed Suzuki that they may have actually bought a rough diamond that just needs polishing. Controlled aggression they call it. Ali had it. Usain Bolt has it. Iannone doesn’t; he just has two switches – one for good Andrea and one for bad Andrea. Helmet off? Good Andrea. Helmet on? Pretty much Bad Andrea all the time, with varying degrees of badness. A bit like Biaggi. And Max is a big reason we here all like MotoGP. So well done Maniac, more please!

The start of the race was a worth seeing if only to see the number of jump-starts. No schoolboys in a brothel jokes here – these guys should know better. Going off like a champagne cork with no glass ready is funny as hell to be honest and laughing at others’ mistakes is always fun. Though not if you own Aprilia (ahem).

And one last thing – maybe Puig was good for Dani. Hard to think, even harder to type. Think about that for a second.

That’s a rap! (yeah – with an “r” because it stands for Rewind And Print)
(this article is late and I’m indebted to the Editor for being generous – sorry!)
And no more film references – Ed.

Ps – we thought the Austria race was held at Philip Island (a joke for all Americans)